Dear my childhood C-Dramas,

You are my foundation.

I grew up watching you. As I wrote in my last post, “My Top 10 C-Drama Recommendations of All Time,” to me, you are the timeless Grandmother’s bedtime stories that the protagonist carries deep within their heart wherever they go. 

There are so many things I’d like to say to you, so many things I’d like to thank you for. Please excuse my English, though–born and raised in the United States, English is my native language, the tongue that I rely on to communicate my most complex ideas and emotions. I fear my Chinese is too rudimentary to eloquently communicate these feelings to you.

Thank you for being my favorite stories of all time. Your scenes, your characters, your plot-twists are the story excerpts that I muse over from time to time, the stories that I have grown so attached to that they enter my headspace on a frequent basis, even long after I’ve finished watching their last episode.

Thank you for building my ideals from the ground up. Enamored with their pursuit of justice and their fiercely elegant sword-fights, I take wuxia heroes as my moral ideal. To wander freely across the world and only brandish my sword in order to help or fight for another in need–I think that romantic free spirit is what drew me to the profession of journalism, where I can travel far across the world and fight for justice through my words.

Thank you for motivating me to learn the Chinese language. Like many other second-generation Chinese immigrant kids to America, I was initially aloof to learning Chinese–the language was too hard and I felt pressured to assimilate to the U.S. But after watching just a few episodes of 陈情令, the first ever C-drama I watched, I realized just how beautiful Chinese is: the picturesque idioms, the alluring poems, the melodious names. It’s what motivated me to spend the pandemic filling three notebooks with Chinese characters, training myself to recognize at least 2,500 of the 6,000-7,000 characters that an average Chinese adult can recognize (no 6-7 reference intended). It was grueling, and not nearly enough–but the essential foundation I needed to achieve the fluency I have today.

Thank you for providing me an outlet to explore my Chinese heritage. Growing up in the U.S, it’s natural that I don’t see a lot of Asian-American representation in the U.S media. That’s where you guys stepped in. You narrated to me authentic Chinese stories without any adulteration–no whitewashing, no tweaking-to-accommodate-a-Western-audience, no apologetic diluting of traditional Chinese values. You immersed me in the culture of my ancestors, allowing me to experience Chinese culture, civilization, way of life, and belief systems, something that I could never experience living here in America. With your presence, I feel more confident in my identity…born with both American and Chinese identities but predisposed to only fully achieving one due to only living in America, you gave me the opportunity to learn about my Chinese heritage despite living an ocean away. With you here, I feel that my two sets of cultures live together in much more harmony…I have knowledge, confidence, and love for both, not just one.

Thank you for being my emotional lifeline. This might be one of the lowest lows of my life. As a high school senior in December of her senior year, struggling through college apps and trudging through schoolwork, what is keeping me emotionally alive? C-Dramas. Specifically, the disciplined promise to myself that I can watch two episodes of a C-Drama in a week: one on Friday night and one on Saturday night. It’s the promise that keeps me going through the week: study hard for this test and earn that C-Drama episode. Report your best so you can earn that break. Just keep pushing–a few days later and you can watch that C-Drama again…

Thank you, in essence, for raising me. Thank you for entertaining me, for educating me, for enlightening me. Thank you for protecting, enrapturing me, loving me. Thank you for being my everything. 

⋆˙eighteen rants⋆˙